Hard Goodbye's

My grandpa died the first week of November.  He was my mom's step-dad, but he had been married to my grandma for almost 40 years and the only grandpa I ever knew.  He was loud, full of jokes, opinionated, loved sports, and most importantly loved my grandma!  Growing up I spent a lot of time with him and my grandma; summer days I lived in their pool with my cousins and he was always quick to make silly jokes and tease us.

My grandma died three days ago; almost two months exactly to the date her husband died.  She just didn't want to live anymore.  She was old, tired, sick, and most importantly lonely without her husband.  She wasn't afraid of telling us how she missed him and simply wanted to go be with him.  I truly believe she willed herself to die and I'm OK with that simply because that is what she wanted.  My grandma was almost 90, had lived a very full and happy life.

I was sad about my grandpa, especially because it was somewhat unexpected.  I was very upset about my grandma because if felt like a chapter of my life was closing.  Like the puzzle of my life was slowly breaking apart and chipping away.  My grandparents had been there in my life for every major event; HS graduation when I was a total brat, college graduation when I was a hot mess, my wedding when life couldn't have been more dramatic, the birth of our first born...her first great-grandchild when I was so young and naive, and the progression of my life as an adult and mother.  She never had anything unkind to say or a harsh judgement to make.

My grandma wasn't one to give her opinion or involved herself in anyone else's business.  She wasn't extremely affectionate, but always gave hugs and told me she loved me.  The most amazing thing my grandmother did was raise her four daughters to be such fantastic, strong women...and I thank her for that because my mom then passed that along to me.

I will miss them,  yet I know it was her time.  The morning after she died I was dropping Beau and Finley off at school before I headed to Wenatchee to help my mom.  Beau was asking all sorts of questions about death and talking about heaven.  As I pulled into his school he said, "Mommy, I know that grandma is in heaven and beautiful again!"  It was so sweet and tender.  I know she is too Beau!